Wait! You Weren't Suppose To Know That!
by Dinosaurs Fly
Summary: When Mafias get bored, what do they do? Find out embarrassing and inappropriate secrets about each other, of course!  Thanks to Futa's know-it-all book, they will never look at each other in the same way again. Ever.  Multiple pairings, all YAOI.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own KHR, and if I did, heh heh heh...*smirk***

**If I did, Kyoya would be uke. xD**

******I'm taking requests for questions or pairings you would like to see in this story, just send me a message, and I'll add it to the story. Dun worry, I will give you credits. ;D  
**

It's New Year's Eve, and the whole Family, including the Varias, all came over to celebrate at Dino's mansion. After endless games of Twister and Tic Tac Toe, the gang became bored. They needed something else to play with; then Reborn pointed out that they should use Futa's book to find out incriminating facts about each other. No one disagreed on the idea, and so the game began.

"Ok guys, are you ready?" Futa asked, holding his precious ranking book in his hands. "I've set my book into Choice Mode, so when I give it the signal, it will choose one or two people in this room, and whatever questions you ask, the book will answer them truthfully; even if the person does not want the rest of us to know." He carefully explained with a slight smirk on his innocent face.

"Ok, let's begin!" Ryohei said with enthusiasm.

"Alright! Choice start!" Futa commanded.

Letters slowly appeared on the blank pages in the book..."_Tekashi Yamamoto"_ it read, then "_Hayato Gokudera"_ appeared.

"Ushishishi, this is interesting~!" Bel sang. "Let me ask the first question."

"VOI! You better keep it clean you pervert, they're still young." Squalo warned.

'Ushishishi, I'll try~!" Bel replied. "Hmmm, Yama-chan and Goku-chan, would you _date _each other?" The prince gave Squalo a told-you-I-can-keep-it-clean look, and smirked.

Muffled laugh and awkward coughs went around the room. They all shut up for the results, which are already appearing on the pages.

Text slowly formed under Takeshi's name, "_Dating Gokudera? Hmm, wouldn't mind, he's pretty hot."_

Then under Gokudera's name, _"Dating that idiot? Why not? He doesn't look that bad."_

As the answers came out, Takeshi scratched the back of his head nervously and choked out some forced laughter, while Gokudera turned 7 different shades of red.

No one said anything, not even Bel. An awkward silence dragged on.

"W-why don't we try another question?" Tsuna suggested, feeling guilty for his guardians.

"A-alright...Choice start!" Futa murmured.

"_Xanxus" _and _"Mukuro Rodoku"_ appeared. They both groaned and face palmed themselves.

"My turn!" Lussuria chirped. "What do you guys think of each other's clothes?"

Xanxus frowned at the question, while Mukuro remained emotionless.

"_Mukuro thinks that Xanxus's clothes are quite fashionable, but wonders how in the world does he move in those tight leather pants?"_

Xanxus glared at the illusionist, "I can move just _fine_, brat."

"_Xanxus thinks that that piece of hot ass shouldn't even be wearing any clothes, just strip it all off so the world can see his sexy body."_

More awkward silence. Even Reborn's speechless and stunned.

Futa chuckled nervously, "Looks like this game is quite...um...inappropriate..." He looked around at the mentally scarred kids.

"Well, we've already gotten this far, why stop?" Squalo said with a smirk, seeing that he's one of the only ones who haven't been chosen yet.

"Alright...I have no problem with that." Tsuna said with a small smirk.

With a dangerous smile glued to his face, Futa whispered..."Choice start..."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews! It really cheers me up! 3**

**Well, the new chapter's up, and I've included (or tried to include) all of the pairings you've requested. And Millefiore will join them in the next chapter. There's probably A LOT of OCness going on, but bear with it, 'cuz it just makes the jokes a lot funnier.**

Everyone held their breathes as letters formed on the blank pages of Futa's book.

"_Reborn" _and_ "Lambo" _appeared.

Reborn twitched ever so slightly, and Lambo tried to make out with his tail.

Seeing that this might be the only chance he'll ever get to humiliate his tutor, Tsuna jumped in, "Wait, let me do this one! What does Lambo think of Reborn's curly boing boing sideburns?"

"Boing boing...?" Ryohei cocked his eyebrows, "Don't you mean _curly _to the EXTREME?"

"What _does _Lambo thinks of baby's hair?" Hibari murmured to himself.

"_So what if Reborn has sexy sideburns? Lambo has a seductive Afro!" _Was the answer.

"Seductive? I don't thin-" Futa was cut off when a chair thrown by Reborn made contact with the poor cow's head.

"Nooooo~! I'm blasting off again!" Lambo screeched as he flew out the window.

"Continue." Reborn said dangerously, and glared at Tsuna thinking, _I will get you after this, you adorable piece of brown tofu._

"Can I start now?" Futa asked Takeshi, who was looking down the window, checking to see whether the cow made it down alive or not.

"Choice start!"

"_Kyoya Hibari" _and_ "Tsuna Sawada"_ appeared.

"Hieeeeeeeeeee! Please don't hurt me!" Tsuna cried with fear.

In Tsuna's eyes, Hibari was like a dinosaur, eating (or in this case, biting) whoever gets in his way. Tsuna use to think that his comparison involving the head prefect and a dinosaur was childish, but after the incident where Hibari bit him on the face after Tsuna skipped detention, Tsuna has decided that Hibari was definitely a dinosaur in disguised. He carried the dinosaur's teeth marks on his right cheeks for about 2 weeks straight.

"Mind if I ask this question?" Tekashi interrupted Tsuna's thoughts, "What are your favorite foods?"

"FOOD? FAVORITE FOODS? I taught you better than this, boy!" Squalo screamed in disbelief. His eyes were almost popping out of his sockets, which gave Levi a huge urge to poke them.

"_Tsuna like lollipops. A lot."_

"Oh my! Looks like our Boss is more _mature _then we thought." Mukuro said with a smirk.

"WAIT! WAIT! That's not what you think it means!" Tsuna waved his arms around frantically.

"Then what _do _you mean, kid?" Even reborn was surprised.

"W-well...I think that it's cool when Gokudera smokes, a-and I just wanted something in my mouth to look like him..." Tsuna stuttered, not realizing his choice of words just made everything worst.

"WHAT? Are you saying you like it when Hayato has something in his mouth?" Xanxus gasped.

"No!" Tsuna's eyes widened. "That's not wh-"

"You like _smoking_, Tenth?" The silver haired bomber asked surprisingly, "I didn't know that!"

"If you ever touched a cigarette, I will _kill _you, Tsuna." Reborn threatened.

"Wait guys! Mukuro's answers came up!" Futa turned their attention to the book.

"_Mukuro likes tuna." _

"You fucking imbecile! Only I get to eat Tsuna!" Hibari growled.

"Oh? Since when was Tsuna _yours?_" Mukuro challenged.

The prefect stood up, and so did the illusionist. They glared at each other. Hard.

"Umm...guys?" Tsuna whimpered, "Threesome?..."


	3. Chapter 3

**OMG! I realized that I've made a mistake, thanks to ****scyterfrnz**** for pointing it out. Bleh. =_=" I feel so stupid, I accidentally made Mukuro answer Hibari's question. I'm so sorry! O_O**

**You naughty readers have **_**the **_**most hilarious crack pairings EVAH! XDDDD**

**Yes, I will try to include all of them, 'cuz they're just **_**that **_**amazing. ;D**

**There are some pairings I can't do, simply because I didn't put them in the story. ='(**

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Just seconds after Tsuna requested a threesome with two of the most dangerous man on Earth, Byakuran, Spanner, and Shoichi interrupts them by breaking down the door and yelling, "Hey! Long time no see!" He looked around the room and added, "What was that about a threesome? Wouldn't want to miss _that!_"

The white haired idiot laughed at his own joke while his subordinates, Shoichi and Spanner, nodded politely to the assassins sitting on the floor.

"What are _you _doing here?" Squalo snorted, "I don't remember inviting _you _boobsacs_._"

"You can't call it a party without alcohol." Spanner said cheerfully with bottles of beer clutched in his hands.

"I'll pass." Hibari said immediately.

"Ushishishi, don't worry, drink all you want, skylark, I don't mind taking care of you after you've thrown up from your nose, sang love songs while striping, and tried to impregnate Tekashi." Bel suggested with a smile bigger than half of his face.

"Impregnating a suicidal baseball player is not on my top ten lists of things to do before I die." Hibari snapped.

"Maybe it's just because your sperm isn't fertile enough to make babies with a man," Squalo argued, and pointed his finger at Takeshi, "I can make babies with him _any day of the week._"

"You shouldn't be hearing this, Tsuna," Xanxus said as he covers the kid's ears, "I should be the one education you about gay sex, not them." He added with a wink.

"WHAT? What about me?" The sparkly prince wined, "I don't wanna miss out-"

"This is getting _way _too explicit, please stop talking." Spanner calmly stated.

Bel suddenly snapped his head around and faced the intruder, "Where. Are. Your. Manners. Boy?" He gritted through his teeth, "You. Don't. Cut. A. Prince. Off. When. He's. Trying. To. Hit. On. A. GUY!" And with that, he pulled out several knives out of nowhere, and chased the poor lollipop sucking kid out of the door.

Spanner's screams and cries of pain and agony were heard for a few seconds, then a bloody, "HELP ME!" echoed down the halls of the mansion.

After a few seconds of silence, Bel returned to the room, and sat down like nothing happened.

Byakuran chuckled, "Heh heh, looks like he won't be back for a while."

Another awkward silence went around the room. Looks like they're having a lot of these lately. Hmm...Wonder why?

Futa recovered and randomly said, "I wonder if Tsuna and Mukuro's baby are gonna taste like tuna flavored pineapples."

"Uh...I don't think I'd want to taste a baby." Dino twitched.

"Kufufufu, actually, no. It'd taste like _pineapple flavored tuna, _well, 'cuz _obviously_ I'd top Tsuna." The pineapple head reminded, and then he added with an evil smile," I mean, who _wouldn't _be able to top that wimp."

"Hey! That's not true!" The ever so loyal right hand man defended, "Futa, make a list of people who _can _and who _can't _top Tenth in bed."

"Alright, you hear that, book?" Futa asked the book, "Now be a good boy and gimme that list."

"_Gimme gimme never get, haven't you learned your manners yet?"_ The book teased.

"...Holy fuck." Shoichi, who has been quite for the last few minutes, exclaimed.

"_Tee hee, just kidding." _

"I did _not _just see a talking book." Lussuria's jaws hit the ground.

"_I'm not talking; it's just your mind playing tricks." _

With that, the Sun Guardian of the Varias ran out of the door screeching like a little girl, with his crazy hair accessories bouncing after him.

"I thought only I could make him scream that hard." Bel mumbled quietly to himself.

"Anyways, let's move on!" Reborn clapped his hands together, totally ignoring what just happened. The answers appeared on the book, right on cue:

"_Tsuna's ukes : None. Maybe Basil..."_

"What?" Tsuna exclaimed.

"_Tsuna's semes: Everyone..." _

Everyone laughed. And laughed. And laughed. _And _laughed.

Byakuran was almost in tears, and Hibari, who hardly showed any emotions, was doubling over and choking on his coke. Even Reborn had a mocking smirk on his face.

When finally, everyone settled down, and forgotten all about the Millefiore's interruption, Tsuna pouted, "I'm sure there are other useless ukes in this room too!"

"Ha! Like who?" Takeshi snickered, "Hibari?"

Futa smirked at his book.

"_Hibari's semes: Dino, Mukuro, Xanxus, Takeshi, Belphegor, Squalo, Reborn...and basically everyone except Tsuna."_

"Huh? What? NO WAY!" Hibari spat, "XANXUS?"

"Well, isn't that surprising?" Mukuro managed to choke out.

"Yay! I'm at the top of the list!" Dino beamed with a slight nosebleed.

Hibari crawled behind Gokudera, and snuggled against the Storm's back. "You meanies, I'm not playing with you anymore..." He whined childishly.

"Aw, it's ok, kid, I'm sure you can top me if you _tried_." The bomber teased, then "AGH! OUCH!" when Hibari bit the nape of his neck.

"Stop being immature, Kyoya." The Callavone said with a goofy grin on his face, and suddenly, his face came in contact with his student's knuckles.

"Shut your pie hole, girly man." And with that, Hibari delivered another blow to his stomach.

"Ow! That hurts! Be gentle with me!" Dino begged, "Wait! Stop! I said STOP!"

"Stop? You want me to stop?" The prefect snapped, "How come _you _never stop in bed when I tell you to? HUH? Now you know how _I _feel, every, single, fucking, time!"

Everyone stopped talking, and stared at Hibari with their jaws sweeping the floor. Here comes another wave of awkward silence, which was broken by Gokudera...

"Mukuro, can you please take your hands out of my boxers?..."

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**Thanks for all the reviews! ;D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone, sorry for the long wait. My parents didn't let me use the computer 'cuz I got surgery on my hand, but that somehow didn't stop them from making me do chores...=_="**

**Any ways, this time, I'm asking you to give me questions, instead of pairings. **

**Oh yeah, Merry Christmas, everyone. ;D**

**Enough of my nonsense, on with the story...**

* * *

"I said, take your hands out of my fucking boxers, you freak!" Hayato repeated with more force than last time

Not even that could distract everyone from the random outburst Hibari had earlier. Mukuro was too busy gaping at Kyoya to notice his hands, which unconsciously pulled itself towards the Storm's jean zipper.

Dino coughed uncomfortably, shifting his legs away from his abusive uke's reach, "Heh, are you alright Kyoya?" he asked, "You seem kinda off today...want to take a nap?"

"What the hell, Callavone? I'm not a kid anymore, dammit!" Hibari glared at him, but somehow, he couldn't get himself to look at the annoying blonde in the eye. _I have been feeling weird lately, _he thought to himself. "Maybe it's something I drank..." he didn't realize he was talking out loud.

"You mean your coke?" Reborn suggested helpfully.

Tsuna followed Reborn's gaze and reached across Squalo's lap to retrieve the half empty can. "It smells a little off." He said as he sniffed it.

"Don't question my taste in drinks," The prefect snapped, "Plus, I didn't have a choice, Bianchi offered it to me. She said she made it herself, I couldn't say no."

Gokudera's gasped, "And you _drank it?_" He almost threw up realizing that Hibari actually drank more than half of it. "Pass me the can." He said as he reached his hand out.

The rest stared at Hayato as he examined his sister's fatal drink. Hibari winced as if he finally realized the harm of drinking Bianchi's terrible cooking.

"How the helldo you even _make _coke from scratch?" Byakuran asked skeptically.

"She didn't," Hayato answered, "Sis tried to use this as one of her ingredients for her dish, but it got contaminated, so she decided to give it away." He explained with a face palm.

"And you know because...?" Dino questioned suspiciously.

The Storm sighed, "Personal experience..." His shuddered as he remembered weeks of explosive diarrhea.

"I don't get it," Kyoya cocked head cutely to the side and asked, "How come I'm still alive?"

"You're just lucky." Reborn said darkly.

"Well, as long as he's fine _physically, _can we please continue the game?" Takeshi said, and gave the worried blonde a _but-mentally-he's-a-bit-off _look. Dino nodded in agreement and sighed.

"Alright, Futa- HUH?" Xanxus jumped when he noticed that Futa was no longer with them, "Where did that brat go?"

"Wasn't he here just a minute ago?" Belphegor looked around the room. Then he suddenly pointed at the slightly opened door, "Maybe he escaped!"

Shoichi stood up and rushed to the door, "Futa?" He yelled to none in particular. Then he noticed Spanner lying in a pool of blood in the middle of the hall.

"Hey buddy, give me a hand?" Spanner said weakly, scratching away dried blood that's covering 95% of his face.

"Tsk, you're still alive?" Shoichi gave him a disapproving look, and reached his hand out.

"Thanks," Spanner said as he pointed his lollipop at a room at the end of the hallway, "If you're looking for that midget, he went that way."

By the time Shoichi reached the room Spanner was talking about, Belphegor had joined him. Bel gripped the handle and turned, causing a loud creaking sound. The room was dark and dusty, with no signs of Futa. Shoichi felt around the wall with his hand, looking for a light switch. There weren't any.

"Looking for something?" A small voice made its way to their ears. They literally hit the ceiling with their heads as they jumped in terror.

"Holy shit! Who's that?" The prince stammered, gripping on Shoichi's shoulder.

A shadow crept into their field of vision, making they shriek like little girls.

Back at the game room, everyone was having their little conversations, when suddenly they heard a scream. Everybody stopped for a moment, then the chatter resumes after a few chuckles.

"Probably saw a spider or something." Xanxus waved it off with his hand.

"Huh...?" The red head stared at the small brunet as he walked out from behind a table, holding a large stuffed toy.

"F-futa?" Shoichi gasped, "What are you doing in here"

"Oh, me? I was just getting my Bun Bun!" Futa responded with a cute grin, "I left him in here last time I came over!" He held out his bunny to show the stunned idiots.

Bel cleared his throat, looking embarrassed, "Well, we were wondering where you went." He said with a slight pout.

When they returned, the room reeked of alcohol and wine. Looks like the rest began drinking without them, and half of them were underage.

"Oh, there you are!" Takeshi said with a wave of his arm, "We were gonna _hic s_tart without you!" And with that, he took another swing of Dino's beer.

"Hey, that was mine!" Dino protested, but reached for a new one instead.

"Um, guys? Still up for the truth game?" Futa asked the drunken idiots as he sat down behind his precious book.

"Yep, bring it on." Mukuro said with a nod from Reborn.

_Looks like we're the only ones on the sober side_, Futa sighed as the thought came up. _This is going to be one hell of a night._

_

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**Sorry if this chapter is a bit boring and pointless, it's sorta like a set up for the next chapter, so bear with it.**

**Thank you! ;D**

**I guess I lost my sense of humor or something. Every joke I come up with is dirty, and I don't think that's normal for a 14 year old. O_o**


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